At the dawn of 2013!
Lord, help me to be a better person this year. To be kinder, more loving, attentive to others feelings and needs. Help me to be a helping hand, a compassionate ear to listen, to hold my tongue when I should and speak truth even when it hurts. Help me to be wiser, knowing when to speak, and when to be silent. Help me to trust in you, even if circumstances are difficult or everything is pointing in a negative direction. Guide me and help me learn to control my negative emotion and to constantly see you in other people–even those who are hard to get along with–and forgive others even when I feel forgiveness should not be mine to give. Teach me to say sorry, even when I don’t feel I was in error. Give me your love, strength, mercy, compassion and understanding. Show me how to not only follow your footsteps but to re-print them and re-step on them.
In all my actions, words or deeds, help me be just a little bit more like You.
At the dawn of 2013!
Christmas is more than a day at the end of the year,
More than a season of joy and good cheer,
Christmas is really God’s pattern for living
To be followed all year by unselfish giving…
For the holiday season awakens good cheer
And draws us closer to those we hold dear,
And we open our hearts and find it is good
To live among men as we always should…
But as soon as the tinsel is stripped from the tree
The spirit of Christmas fades silently
Into the background of daily routine
And is lost in the whirl of life’s busy scene,
And all unawares, we miss and forgo
The greatest blessing that mankind can know…
For if we lived Christmas each day, as we should,
And made it our aim to always do good,
We’d find the lost key to meaningful living
That comes not from getting, but from unselfish giving.
And we’d know the great joy of Peace upon earth,
Which was the real purpose of our Saviour’s birth.
For in the Glad Tidings of the first Christmas night,
God showed us the Way and the Truth and the Light!
—Helen Steiner Rice
CHECK IT OUT! 😉
I have been meaning to write for a while now. I’ve just felt the need to put a lot of what I’ve been going through in paper; or in this case a computer screen.
There is just something “safe” about writing. It allows you to say what you are feeling in silence that can yelled louder than a scream. I’m not even sure how coherent this blog post will be, I don’t think it will be my usual happy, lighthearted, funny blogpost… but bear with me.
Or, run for your lives while you still have the chance.
Whooo… well, where do I start?
First of all I have got to say I am SO thankful for life. For all those moments that make you smile, especially those with people–family–who are so close to you. The laughs they gave, the smiles they caused, the tears they wiped, the arms that embraced you, the prayers for you–these are actions that stay with you, that are permanently etched in stone inside your heart.
Then there is the feeling of joy that you know that the person you loved–that you love–is free from pain at last. That they have graduated into a much better place than this world could ever be. Finally completely free.
But there is this other part of you.
This part inside that sometimes doesn’t know what to feel. That says you’re feeling ok as an automatic reaction to the never ceasing question of “How are you feeling? How are you doing?”
In a way you really are doing alright, I mean… you’re not submerged in depression, but at the same time that’s not completely true because at the moment you can’t know if you will ever fully be “alright” again.
Though, of course you know you eventually will be.
But in all honesty, HOW do you answer that question!?–“How are you?” You’re alright, but you’re not. GOD, there’s a huge hole inside you, you miss that person like crazy. That’s not alright, but how are you supposed to say to someone, “No. A big part of me is missing. My friend who knew me since I was in my mom’s tummy, who changed my diapers, who put me to sleep, who kissed away my ouchies is… GONE.”
Like WHOAH! Way to hand over a land mine to a poor innocent soul who dared to ask… the question.
But it’s not like I’m going through mayor depression either. Because through Jesus there is this amazing HOPE that you know she is in a better place. That she is happy. That she is truly okay. I can’t help to be happy for her, just imagine the joy! That is one thing I am so thankful for, to know that we can have that hope, that amazing hope that death is not the end.
It’s just… it scares me that sometimes if feels so normal. Like, aren’t I supposed to feel more? I know the first few days it was just… overwhelming how much you felt, the tears, the emotions… but now sometimes it’s like a daze. You’re not happy, you’re not sad, you just don’t feel the energy to do anything sometimes, but it’s not… wrong. I don’t know how to rightly explain that.
I want to be happy, I know she would want me to, I want to move on, but it sometimes frightens me when I plaster a smile on my face just saying I’m okay or that I’m happy she is in a better place free from pain, which I really truly am happy about that, but sometimes I feel like it’s an automatic reaction, like it’s not authentic.
And I feel terrible about that.
I know I’m not supposed to always be strong, but there is a part of me which feels WRONG to feel that way. Or, to not feel.
Instead of receiving Christmas letters or thanksgiving letters you receive “I’m sorry for your loss” “Comfort in your suffering” kind of letters. Like, THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING!!! Why is this happening? How is it happening? Is it really happening? Stop!
Okay, if you are feeling confused, don’t feel out of place. I’m honestly confusing myself right now! heheeh
Now, what I’m about to say is very important, if you have read anything, you must read this. I most certainly do not want this to come across as “Oh! Windy, poor girl, she is suffering so much right now… She must be comforted. Battling depression…oh nooo! I must come to her rescue!”
Okay, yes, I am sad, I do miss my grandmother, but believe me when I say I’m not… ahh, how do I say this… abolished? It’s not a 911 call for help, just mostly the need to figure out my feelings by typing them down, if that makes sense? And making you the poor, powerless figure who has to read through all that confusion.
Yes, I know. Sorry.
Like I said, I know I’m not without hope. I know I am securely wrapped in Jesus’ arms and I know I can always lean on Him when things get rough and I feel I can’t stand on my own. I know my grandmother is shinning brighter than ever. She is with her greatest love, how can you not be happy about that? But it’s just the need to put it all down, to let you know I’m okay. Confused, but okay.
I want to thank you all so much for being there for us and just supporting our every step through prayer. That really is what helps us stay afloat at times.
I hope this doesn’t permanently scar you for life or that you’re too scared to even peek at my blog ever again. I promise I’ll probably get back to my joking self in no time. *wink*
Okay, must sleep. Goodnight!
As I hear the Yuletide bells tolling out across the lands, as the wreaths are hung in the busy mart, as the decorations line the avenues and adorn the housetops, as the Christmas bells ring out heralding another season to be jolly, I share My heart with you.
I know your desire is to please Me. I know in your hearts you ask, “What can I give to the One who has given His all for me?” You can give Me the gifts I’m most pleased with.
I don’t ask for your hearts, for these I already possess. I ask for your hands. I ask for your feet. I ask for your mouths, your lips, your tongues, your smiles, your eyes. I ask for your readiness and willingness. I ask, “Will you seize every golden opportunity I bring your way to give My love to others?”
As the clock ticks, as the world races forward, won’t you take every opportunity I bring your way to give My words, My love? Won’t you take advantage of each situation to give My words to the needy world? Will you take every possible opportunity to share My love in some way, to give My life, to pass My words to those I bring your way?
Remember, everyone has some need, whether they appear to be well off and seem happy, satisfied, and well adjusted, or whether they’re obviously down and out, poor, neglected, and needy. From all walks of life, all sectors of society, from every nation on earth—all have a need to receive My love and truth, if they haven’t already come to know Me.
The seeds that you plant in the hearts of those I bring your way will influence their choices. The words you give from Me to the world right now will make a difference. Many need a glimmer of hope, a spark of truth that can then begin to work and grow in their hearts.
When you give someone My words, though you don’t always see immediate results, My Spirit goes to work right away on that soul. The seed of My words planted in their hearts can then take hold and act as an antidote, protecting them and shielding them, preparing them for what is to come.
It could be the last Christmas for some to receive My words in preparation for the important decisions that they will face in the near future.
Each time you’re a witness, whether you give out My truth in the form of a simple tract, or pass out other products that bear witness of My Gospel, or whether you share My love in some other way—through a look, a smile, a kind word or deed—all this is planting the seeds of My truth deep in the hearts of men. You often don’t see the immediate results, but I water those seeds, and not one returns to Me void, but it accomplishes what I commission it to do.
What are the gifts I’m most pleased with? Your love for the lost, as I have loved you. Your desire to give them My gift of eternal life, as I have given you. Your faithfulness to give My words to those I bring across your path, that you might lead them to Me. Will you give them My words, that you might give them Me? Will you seize each opportunity I bring your way to make a difference in the lives of others?
What is life? It is but a vapor that is here a little while, and then it’s gone. The person I bring across your path today may not see another Christmas. Will you offer them freedom while you have the chance? This could be your last chance to give My love to that particular person, the last opportunity you have on this earth to pass that tract to them, to walk that extra mile with them, to share that smile, to say that kind word to them, to give them My answer to their problems, to say that prayer for one in need.
These are the gifts I most long for. I ask only that in whatever capacity I’ve called each of you to, that you take as many opportunities as possible to give out My words and share My love.
And if you are not able to spiritually minister personally, will you pray for the lost and encourage and uphold those who are bearing My love and truth to others? Will you be fervent in prayer for those who wage this war for the souls of men, even in the midst of your other duties?
Remember that I’m always near. All you have to do is be My hands, My feet, My mouth, My lips, My eyes. Simply give out My words, and I will do all the rest. I will tend it, water it, and nurture it. Will you do this for Me?
Thank you for making this birthday wonderful by giving Me the gifts I most desire. I know I can count on you for the help I need. I know that you will do all within your power to fulfill My greatest heart’s desire for My birthday this year.
I know that you will want to fulfill this desire not only this Christmas, but always. So come to Me to find the strength to fulfill what I ask, and great and magnificent will be the end results as more of My lost children find their way home to Me.
Thank you for making My sacrifice on the first Christmas worthwhile. I came to earth to give men and women eternal life, and in passing on this gift you are fulfilling My plan and helping to complete what I began—reaching My lost ones and telling them where they can find truth and freedom, happiness and fulfillment forevermore!
Thank you for giving Me the gifts I’m most pleased with on My birthday and every day of the year. Thank you for doing your best to make this a habit in your everyday lives; to not pass up the opportunities I bring your way to give out My message, to share My love, to make a difference in the lives of others.
Originally published September 1999. Updated and republished December 2012. Read by Simon Peterson. Music taken from the Christmas Moments album. Used by permission
It’s crazy how fast time has gone by! It’s almost the end of the year… AGAIN! like, WHAT!?!?
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?
haha Actually, I’m quite excited that winter is coming! It was a great summer but that was enough heat to last me a lifetime! I welcome fall and it’s beautiful colors with open arms!
There is just something about fall that is so fresh, but then the colors are so warm… I absolutely love it!
Some bucketlist items for this year is to carve my own pumpkin, go to a pumpkin patch and jump in a pile of leaves! … not sure how I’m going to do that… all the leaves from our tree out front are gone! The poor thing died on us during the dry summer.
It was a beautiful tree.
Things have been going well! Dance is in full gear now and after the first weeks of brain freeze trying to figure out the new schedule and missing precious hip hop class because I thought it was a certain hour which it wasn’t, meeting new people, starting my own business, getting ready for Cervantino…whew! The list goes on!
I’ve learned a lot of things this month. On the bad side, I’ve been able to experience what true-hardcore STRESS feels like…. and I abhor it! I NEVER want to feel like that again! I imagine I may from time to time, but I was able to realize that sometimes things like that happen because we expect to much from ourselves. For goodness sake, we’re not supermen! There are limits as to what we can do! (Yes, limits to even my amazing super powers…)
Let me get this straight.
I believe that nothing is impossible if we put our minds to it, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about taking on TOO much at once. Trying to solve 10 problems while balancing another five, or the biggie for me–trying to push things that are out of my control. Because, no matter how hard you try you will never have the brain and mindset say… the lady selling shoes down the street. You cannot control the mind and hands of a person and make them pick up a phone to call you. You cannot control the disease that may be afflicting a loved one… and the list goes on.
Again, not that you can’t have some kind of influence ON them, but you can’t CONTROL them.
Get where I’m going?
The deal is to not carry burdens that are not even yours to carry! It’s like holding on tightly to a rope afraid you’ll plummet to your most certain death when you are only 2 inches away from the floor!
Breathe. Relax. Leave it in God’s hands. It will be ok!
New motto, if worrying about it won’t change it… why worry? 🙂
Just letting go of what you can’t hold on to is so liberating!
Now on a happier tune, another of the things that I thought about deeply was, “What makes me happy? What are my favorite things in life? What am I thankful for?”
This 100 list came about from those ponderings!
- Cute things
- Light colors
- Fresh breeze
- Yummy deserts
- Strawberry ice-cream
- Good books
- Funny, romantic movies
- Old videos of when we were little
- Times when you remember all the lyrics to songs you listened to when you were tiny, and haven’t heard in forever.
- Fluffy socks
- My guitar
- Listening to percussions
- Baby cheetahs
- Tiger cubs
- All baby cubs
- All baby animals (except for insects… and scary ones like bats…)
- A good picture
- A masterpiece
- Christmas songs
- When my family tells me I did a good job and is proud of me
- Running as fast as I can on the beachside
- Cute guys *wink, wink*
- Actually… I could take forever on this so ALL of my great friends!
- Finding that rare treasure you just have to buy and take home
- Taking videos
- Pictures on tumblr
- Listening to inspiring audios
- Latin music
- That one GREAT song you can’t stop singing… that has become a part of you
- Pretty dresses
- Pretty hairpieces
- Cute hats
- Telling an awesome story
- Having someone listen to you, giving their full attention
- Free hugs
- People you can be crazy with
- Crazy moments
- Random moments
- Scary-funny moments
- Doing something goofy, then laughing about it 10 minutes later. (after you have recovered from the shock, ahem!)
- Finding out that guy you think is cute likes you
- Airplane rides
- Seeing the world from an airplane
- Pretty rocks and shells
- Walking on sand and how great if feels
- Squishy things (except poop!)
- Squishy cheeks! *hearts in the air*
- BUBBLES! BUBBLES! BUBBLES!
- Circles (… stop looking at me like that. I really like circles! OK? I don’t know why or what it is about them… I just… like… circles…)
- The smell of flowers
- Smell of a delicious meal
- Pita bread
- Reading letters
- Receiving letters in the mail. (Receiving ANYTHING by mail! It’s like Christmas!)
- Writing letters
- Sending letters
- Cute kids
- Baby clothes
- Baby SOCKS
- Music boxes
- Open fields (I want to run across one so bad!)
- Water-balloon fights
- Superhero games
100! Fun card games
For all of you waiting for a fantastic, extra-ordinary ending. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Uh, yeah, I love you too.
I have an order for you.
No. I haven’t turned into a control freak, a dictator or a Hitler or Stalin.
I’m still a nice person! Really, I am!
So first of all, go to the mirror. Look at your reflection in the mirror.
Tell yourself, “I’M FREAKING AMAZING!!”
Cuz… you are!