Valentines day: A special, unique day out of all others—One that some people look forward to; one that others dread.
When I was a little girl I absolutely loved Valentine’s Day. Seeing everything covered in bright red and pink, flowers and heart balloons everywhere was quite a rush for an easily excited soul like me. However, as I grew older—just a few years back actually—I, like many others, began to dread Valentine’s Day.
The reason was clear enough: I was older, and I had no boyfriend. Not even with the ability to say I had some sort of suitor or someone special to me… or whom I was special to. Morbid thoughts of inferiority and worthlessness crept into my mind and as Valentine’s Day approached it was like a ticking bomb, just waiting for disaster to strike.
I grew bitter inside, especially toward God. Even though I didn’t show it on the outside, and even if at times I was happy, inside there were questions surfacing and re-surfacing over and over again. I would look at other young couples and every time I would see them laugh, hug and hold each other it like a punch to my stomach. My heart would recoil and I would constantly ask, Why God? Why not me? How come I don’t get a chance… not even one? It’s just…NOT FAIR!
It was hard. Adding up the rollercoaster teenage emotions, it was even tougher. I just didn’t understand then that Jesus had something in store that was even better. He made me learn to trust and lean on Him even more than I had before.
Because of my broken heart, I went to Him time and time again. Asking questions, hoping to get some sort of comfort, and listening—wishing a little that maybe if I asked a lot, he would give me what I wanted. Unknown to me, I was re-enforcing my connection with Jesus. I began to fall in love with Him and learn a whole new side of Him that I hadn’t known before. He became my closest friend. One I could go to when I had troubles, when my heart felt like breaking in two, when I felt discouraged or simply exhausted and could go no longer on my own strength.
Looking back, I am so thankful that He didn’t give me what I thought I “needed”. He gave me something even better—He taught me how He truly was enough. That as long as I had Him, nothing else really mattered; I had His love—the greatest of all—at my disposal forever.
Sure, at times I still feel a little lonely. Sure, at times it’s tough. Sure, at times I still wish for strong arms to hold me close, but now I know I can count on someone who, no matter what, will always be there when I need Him. Jesus’ arms will always be there to hold me.